Channel Surfing
by Namisan
Summary: The One Piece Unvirse has been WARPED! More than it already is! Now Straw Hat Crew and others are channel surfing threw your favorite shows!
1. Channel 0

Authors Notes: I do not own One Piece or it affiliates, Yay, another fanfiction! This idea just popped in my head when I was watching TV, and I thought: This stuff could make a wicked funny fanfiction! So here it is, ladies, gentlemen, and all those others in-between, I present to you:  
  
Channel Surfing  
  
Channel-0: The original One Piece Universe  
  
(The ocean, duh, more specifically, the Grand line. Everything is nice, and calm, and peaceful on the Going Merry.)  
  
Sanji (steps out onto the deck and looks around.): Ohhh Luuffyy.  
  
Luffy (huddled in a corner, eating of course.): ....  
  
Sanji (stakes slow steps making sure to look every where.): Where you? I know you're around here some where.... le marmot de chapeau de paille!  
  
(He is a French cook after all.)  
  
Luffy (beads of sweat roll down his forehead, and he pauses his munching.):..........  
  
Sanji (still looking for the well hidden kid.): Sort, est sorti, où jamais vous êtes...  
  
(Okay... I have no idea what he just said.)  
  
Luffy (swallows masticated food with a huge gulp): Mmmm  
  
(Masticate: to grind or crush (food) with or as if with the teeth in preparation for swallowing: Chew –Webster's Dictionary-)  
  
Sanji (finally finds the mischievous little demon child.): Aha!!! There you are!  
  
Luffy (on being found out gives a nervous smile.): Oh, hey Sanji...  
  
Sanji (giving a 'warm' smile.): Captain, something strange has happened.  
  
Luffy (looking of to the side.): Strange?  
  
Sanji (still with his creepy 'warm' smile.): A week's supply of food has 'mysteriously' vanished.  
  
Luffy (begins to sweat profusely.): Really?  
  
Sanji (bends over so that his face meets with the captain's. still with creepy 'warm' smile plastered on his face.): YOU wouldn't know anything about it would you?  
  
Luffy (soaking wet now.)... Sanji (warm smile goes away now.): What's that around your mouth?  
  
Luffy (nearly drowning in his own bodily secretions.): OH CRAP! I FORGOT TO WIPE MY MOUTH!!!  
  
(Of course, there is nothing around Luffy's mouth. With one swift kick the rubber boy is sent gliding across the well polished deck. Crap, I was hoping for splinters! Okay I lied about the nice...and I lied about the calm...and the peaceful too...)  
  
Sanji (lights a cigarette and exhales adding to the weakening of the ozone layer.): Idiot.  
  
(Nami runs down the steps. She falls to wooden deck, nearly breaking her neck. Total terror is in her eyes and her breath gone.)  
  
Sanji (worried about his beloved rushes to her side and helps her up.): Nami-san what is it?  
  
Nami (ignores the blond and rushes to the middle of the deck.): Everyone, you gotta check this out!!  
  
(Ussop puts away his fishing pole, Zoro pauses from his training, Nico sets aside her book, Copper puts down his test tubes, and Luffy get up form the floor with an acrobatic leap.)  
  
Zoro: What's wrong?  
  
Nami (regains her breath.): The sky up ahead is an unusual color. I've never seen a storm like this!  
  
(The sky before them is a strange shade of purple, the clouds are warped, and lightning could be seen all around. Ooooo, I can feel the suspense.)  
  
Nico (goes to the rail to get a closer look at the unnatural phenomenon.): In all my years on the sea I've never witnessed such an event!  
  
Luffy: The sky's all funny looking.  
  
Ussop: We're all going to die!!!!  
  
(Some where else...On a Marine Ship, Smoker is in his office puffing away at his cigars. Tashigi stumbles in, trips over her self and lands face first on her commanding officer's desk.)  
  
Smoker (agitated at the ditsyiness of his subordinate): Honestly you might as well be a blond! What the emergency?!  
  
Tashigi (peels face off the desk.): Smoker sir, you have to come see this! It's the sky!  
  
Smoker (raises an eyebrow in disgust.): The sky...  
  
Tashigi (regains her composure.): The sky...is looks strange!!  
  
(Okay I see this scene change isn't going any ware. Next scene: Red beards pirate ship. The sky is looking weirder and more warped by the second. Shanks is looking up at the foreboding sky.)  
  
Shanks (takes a whiff of the air and get tens look in his eyes.): The air...the air reeks of death.  
  
(Ben runs up to the captain.)  
  
Ben (covering his nose and mouth.): Captain, Lucky Roo just ripped one.  
  
Shanks (takes another whiff of the foul air then coughs.): Man, what has the guy been eating?  
  
Ben: Anyway, the ship seems to getting sucked into this strange storm. The sails are up and the wind is gone. This is really strange...  
  
(Okay I'm starting to get bored now. So in conclusion the whole One Piece universe is being sucked into some strange vortex thingy. So now our feature presentation...) 


	2. Channel 41

Authors Notes: I do not own One Piece or it affiliates, Now were getting somewhere!!!  
  
Channel Surfing  
  
Channel-41: No Spin Zone  
  
(Cool rock music sounds. The camera spins around then zooms in on Morgan.)  
  
Morgan (looking even more threatening in a business suit.): I'm Ax Hand Morgan and you are entering the No Spin Zone! (turns towards another camera) We have today Hina the Steel Cage and Smoker the White Hunter.  
  
(The two of them nod in compliance.)  
  
[Ticker- Weather: Expect strange storms that transport you to another dimension]  
  
Hina: Thank you, Hina appreciates being on the show.  
  
Morgan: Well you should! Being in my presence is a great privilege.  
  
(Hina roles her eyes and Smoker arches an eye brow.)  
  
Smoker: Okay...  
  
Morgan: Back to the task at hand, our subject today is the incompetence of subordinates. There seems to be a rise in unqualified and just right out stupid employees.  
  
Smoker: I agree. Subordinates are way too lacking.  
  
Hina: Hina concurs; there has been a rise in stupid subordinates. Men now a days, try to act way too stupid. They act before they think of the consequences. (Looks over at Smoker.)  
  
[Ticker- Hina is looking really sexy today!!! I wonder if that's her natural color.]  
  
Smoker (agitated by the pink haired woman.): Hey, I just couldn't let that scrawny kid and his rag-tag team of misfits enter the Grand Line like that!  
  
Morgan: I think it's all a lack of respect! If your men don't have respect for you they should pay the price with their lives!  
  
(Both Hina's and Smoker's mouths droop open.)  
  
Hina: Hina doesn't agree with THAT.  
  
Smoker: Even I have to agree with the woman. I agree to strict discipline but not killing our own. If we do then we're no better than those inbred pirates!!  
  
[Ticker- Smoker looks way too old to be 32...on the other hand Shanks doesn't look 37 either...]  
  
Morgan (pissed): Shut up! This is my show!! Whatever I say is ALWAYS correct! I am never wrong! I am the great one not you! Anyway it's time for emails from our viewers. Here's a letter from:  
  
-Jane-Randolph, Massachusetts  
  
-I think you're a bonified jerk! All you think about is yourself and think your always right!! I totally hate your show! I hope you get yours.-  
  
Morgan (more pissed off): Okay next letter! This one is from:  
  
-Ben- Pt. St. Lucie, Florida  
  
-GET YOU HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!!-  
  
Morgan (totally enraged): No more letters!! Anyway it time for a commercial brake.  
  
[Ticker- News Flash: Morgan a big pile of ........]  
  
End notes: I hope you like this so far!! One down 780 more channels to go!!! 


	3. Commercial 1

Authors Notes: I do not own One Piece or it affiliates, What's better than TV shows you ask..... Commercials  
  
Channel Surfing  
  
Commercial- Like It Hard  
  
(Really cool club scene. Luffy surprisingly is attending and is sitting at the bar. He just finished Mike's Hard Lemonade. There's one tiny little drop still in the bottle. Luffy takes a look around and sticks his tong in the bottle. He licks the bottom clean then uncorks his tong. Unnoticed by Luffy three girls are staring at him with jaws dropped.)  
  
One of the girls (talks to one of the bartenders): I'll have what he's havin'  
  
-End Note: This was actually taken from a REAL commercial. Yay, more TV! If anyone has any ideas such as commercials or TV shows just tell me. Thanks, and now on with the show....- 


	4. Channel 35

Author's note: I do not _own_ One Piece or any of it's affiliates. I'M BACK! Yes I'm back from....well. I'm back. I know it's been a wile, but just bare with me here. Student Council, trying to get on honor role, looking for collages, and the flames from one of my stories (which shall remain unnamed.) I've been totally busy. Now we got that out of the way on with the show!!

Channel Surfing

Channel 35- The bikini clad semi porn show (A.K.A Babe Watch)

(Scene Zoro is on top of his lifeguard tower doing you know what...)

Zoro: Zzzzz

(Sanji is on the beach strutting his stuff thinking he's all that…because he is!)

Sanji (Trying to hit on some chick): Hey want me to give you mouth to mouth...

(The curly eye browed blond gets a slap on the cheek by the silicone-inflated-babe. Meanwhile Nami and Ussop do what they do best...)

Ussop (surrounded by a huge crowd of tourists): Like yah...I was like totally out in the ocean.... And there was this like huge shark... and I was like dude that one HUGE shark...So I like being sooo brave and all I was all kung pow on his shark ass...

(Nami steels all the gawky tourist's wallets and watches. Where's Robin and Chopper you might ask...they're both on the beach reading. During all this some fat guy's drowning a few feet off shore. This dialog is like...so annoying...like totally...you know....)

Luffy (Looking all sexy in his red swim trunks notices the fatty.): Oh cool a whale! (After a few seconds he disappointedly finds out that is some fat loser drowning) Hey look some dude is drowning! (He runs into the water to save the man. Unfortunately he forgets that he can't swim and he begins to drown himself.)

Nami: Like Oh my gosh... Luffy is like drowning....

Sanji: That guy is such an idiot...

Zoro (awakened from his slumber leaps off of his perch.): Dude! We gotta go save him!!

Ussop: What about the fat guy!!

Sanji: Leave him; he's too fat and ugly to save.

(The rest nod in agreement; no one cares about fat people. Sanji, Nami, and Zoro spring into action, running in slow motion. There is a lot of booby jiggling and hair blowing in the wind. In the background people are walking normally. The Babe Watch crew stops to strike useless poses. Meanwhile Luffy and the fat guy wash up on the beach half dead.)

(I'm a little rusty but I'll be in the rouse of things in a bit so bear with me...)

To Be Continued...


	5. Channel 17

Author's note: I do not _own_ One Piece or any of it's affiliates. I've been totally busy. Now we got that out of the way on with the show!!

Channel Surfing

Channel 17- Cold Turkey

Announcer Guy: Hello and welcome to Cold Turkey; the show where life long smokers kick their smoking habit. Here we have on this season's show are our contestants Sanji, Ben, Pauley, Smoker, and Crocodile. Welcome gentlemen.

Ben: (nods all cool like…lets see how cool he is after day 3…)

Smoker: Hmm…

Crocodile: …

(Sanji blows a kiss to the camera.)

Pauley: Hey…Announcer guy, can I do a shout out?

Announcer Guy: No… To up the anti the one left standing when this is all over will win 10,000,000 beli or a lifetime's supply of tobacco products. How does that sound?

Smoker: A lifetime's supply of tobacco products…I could smoke myself emphysemic with that!!

Crocodile: These tobacco products will be high quality I presume…

Pauley: Wow 10,000,000 beli that would pay off one fourth of my gambling debt!!

Announcer Guy: Okay… as you all know before the game officially starts you are each allowed to have one last tobacco product. So guys…whip em' out!

(Everyone takes out their Cigars and Cigarettes and puff away, and taking their time.)

Announcer Guy: That's enough…you can stop now.

Sanji (still sucking at his cancer stick): …wait a sec…

Smoker: Don't rush me damit!!

Sanji: Wait…. (The thing is to the nub now.) …hold on….okay, I'm done.

Announcer Guy: Now that you've gotten you last taste of pleasure…LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!

DAY 4 

(Everyone has just about broken. Sanji has been huddled in a corner sucking his thumb. Smoker is crankier than usual. Crocodile killed two camera guys. Ben has resorted to smoking the houseplants. Pauley is the only one that seems to be cooping. He's gone to another one of his bad habits: gabling. Everyone now is gathered into the living room for the voting process.)

Announcer Guy: Okay fella's here's when things get interesting. This is the time when you vote out one of your fellow players. Let's begin…Smoker?

Smoker: I don't like _anyone_ in this room…so this was very difficult for me. (Takes out a paper with Sanji's name on it.) But the one that has really gone on my nerves is that blond pretty boy. He was acting wimpy these past four days and girly men really piss me off.

Crocodile: (takes out a paper with Smoker's name.) I've decided to vote off Smoker. I hate his hair and he dresses tacky…

Sanji: The la tête radine de merde who I'm voting off is…(takes out a paper with Ben's name) Ben. Le bâtard huileux stupide!

Pauley: Crocodile… (Takes out his paper) The snob wouldn't share his hair jell. …BLEEP…BLEEP…BLEEP!!!

Announcer Guy: Now it's all up to you Benji…

Ben: Don't call me that…I've decided to vote…(takes out a piece of paper) myself out…

Announcer Guy: ….Okay…..now that's all the votes…Ben…you're….voted out…

End Notes: I know this was corny….sue me… More to come…someday…


End file.
